For You, Lily
by Niamara
Summary: [LilySnape oneshot, major DH spoilers!] A look back at Snape and Lily's relationship from Snape's POV, leading up to his final moments and the girl that, unknowingly, led him down his impossible path.


_Disclaimer: _I don't own Harry Potter… If I did, James and Lily would still be living. ;) And I don't own the song, either, which is _Always Something There to Remind Me _by Naked Eyes. Passages from the last scene are taken from _Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows,_ UK edition pages 524 — 529.

**For You, Lily**

14-year-old Lily Evans sat in her room, staring at the wall, immensely bored. Her sister Petunia was out with her pig of a boyfriend, and her parents had gone grocery shopping. Sighing, she looked out her window; it was a rare, sunny day. _Why stay inside?_ she thought. Lily rushed downstairs to scribble a note to her mum and dad before walking gratefully into the fresh air.

Walking down her street, Lily waved at and greeted the neighbours who also couldn't resist getting some vitamin D. They all smiled and waved back.

As she turned a corner, Lily looked around and saw the park in one direction and Spinner's End in the other. She looked down Spinner's End for a moment before walking resolutely towards the park. Approaching it, she saw a few smaller children playing on the slides, but her eyes quickly sought out the pale-looking boy sitting on the otherwise abandoned swing set.

Lily grinned, skipping over. "I had a feeling you were be here," she said brightly, plopping herself down on the swing to the boy's right.

The boy looked up, shaking his black hair out of his eyes. I had a feeling you would come," Severus nodded, smiling slightly.

The two looked at each other before bursting out in laughter.

"So," Severus said, "is your sister out with that…man?"

Lily scoffed. "_Man_ implies he's human. He's more of a walking pig, really. Why do you ask?" Lily inquired, moving the swing slowly so that the tips of her shoes lightly scraped the stones.

"No reason." Severus unconsciously began to move his swing, mimicking Lily, but his thoughts were elsewhere.

"Sev, I know that look," Lily began worriedly. "What are you planning?"

"Just a bit of fun, really…"

"'Just a bit of fun'? Sev, you know we're not allowed to do magic outside of school—and _especially_ not on Muggles."

"I wasn't planning on doing anything to _her_, exactly…" Severus trailed off at the look on Lily's face. "Okay, nevermind, then. You don't want to do it."

"It's not that I don't want to do that, Sev — really, it isn't! I would be glad to get revenge on Petunia for everything she's done to me over the years, but not like this, where the playing grounds are unequal. Lily paused. "Is this what your other friends do? Mulciber, Nott… Do they pull stunts on Muggles and Muggle borns?"

"No," Severus answered a little too quickly. Lily didn't believe him for a second.

"Sev, _I'm_ Muggle born," she said sadly.

"Lily, you know I would never hurt you, right?" Severus asked desperately.

"It's the principle of it all, though, Severus. What ever happened to us just hanging out and being ourselves? It's like you're becoming one of _them_."

Severus swallowed. _I am one of them. Almost._ He looked up at Lily's green eyes, which were sparkling with sorrow, and his heart lurched.

"Sure, anything," he finally said, relieved to see her mood lighten.

"Great," she smiled.

They sat and rocked back and forth on the swings. Lily sighed contentedly. "I missed this," she announced.

Severus looked over at her smiling face. "Me, too," he said, his lips curving themselves into an involuntary smile whenever he looked at her.

_If you should find you miss the sweet and tender love we used to share_  
_Just come back to the places where we used to go, and I'll be there_

Severus Snape Apparated into Spinner's End, the loud _CRACK!_ echoing in the dark silence. He hurried down the street, sweaty and panting, his black cloak billowing behind him. As he strode, the memories re-surfaced, fresh in his mind. Stunning Filius, Draco failing, Dumbledore's body suspended, then falling from the Astronomy Tower…

Snape shook his head, trying to rid it of the sickening images. _Had to be done_, he thought, remembering Dumbledore's words. Snape snorted, quickening his steps. _It didn't have to be done, Dumbledore_. But even as he savagely thought those words, he knew they were not true. It _did_ have to be done, eventually, and he Snape, would have had to kill Dumbledore when the time came.

Stopping abruptly, he reached the swing set he was looking for. He felt pain in his chest as he remembered all the times he and Lily had shared here, at this very playground. They had first properly met here, too…

Snape slowly walked over to his swing and gently touched the rusted chains, memories flooding him. He looked over at the swing that was always Lily's and was immediately filled with remorse and overwhelming sadness.

I'm sorry, Lily. Sorry for everything, I'm sorry I joined the Death Eaters; I'm sorry I was a jerk; I'm sorry I'm a murderer; but most of all, I'm sorry for betraying you. I promised you I would never participate in what they were doing, but I did. It was all to impress you, Lily, and it didn't work. I'm so sorry.

As Snape touched the chains on Lily's swing, he could have sworn he felt her presence beside him, forgiving him. Without even trying, Snape could imagine her sitting on the swing, smiling up at him, her feet gently brushing the stones…

Snape smiled as best as he could.

"For you, Lily," he whispered before Disapparating to complete his mission.

_Oh, how can I forget you?_  
_When there is always something there to remind me  
__Always something there to remind me  
__I was born to love you, and I will never be free  
__You'll always be a part of me_

Walking into the shack, Snape had had the impression he was going to die. He had known Voldemort would discover the secret to mastering the Elder Wand, and had known the Dark Lord would believe Snape was the true master, having killed Dumbledore. He would never consider Draco, the true master, had never known he disarmed Dumbledore first…

Not that Snape could tell Voldemort, either. If he knew Snape wasn't the master of the Elder Wand, Snape saw no way Harry could win. Snape must, at all costs, keep Voldemort believing that he, Snape, was the master, even if it must end on Snape's own death.

When Voldemort had begun to talk about the Elder Wand, Snape knew the final moments of his life were slowly ticking away. Memories flooded his mind, intermingled with Voldemort's speech, which Snape was listening to with one part of his brain.

_His first bit of magic _— "…wand of yew…" — _seeing Lily for the first time _— "…everything…which I asked…" — _talking to Lily _— "…kill Harry Potter…failed…" — _coming to Hogwarts _— "…taking another's wand…" — _being away from Lily _— "…Lucius's wand shattered…" — _potions classes, Dark Art s _—"…sought a third wand…" — _his parents fighting _— "…took it….grave of Albus Dumbledore."

Snape looked up at Voldemort, keeping his expression black.

"My Lord — let me go to the boy — "

"All this long night, when I am on the brink of victory, I have sat here," said Voldemort, his voice barely louder than a whispered, "wondering, wondering, why the Elder Wand refuses to be what it ought to be, refuses to perform as legend says it must perform for its rightful owner…and I think I have the answer."

Snape did not speak; the choking fear rising up in him prevented him from doing so. He kept his face impassive, but the memories still came, so quickly they were only flashes.

_Looking at Petunia's letter to Dumbledore _— "…already know it…" — _calling Lily a Mudblood _— "…good and faithful servant…" — _seeing her with James _— "…regret what must happen…" — _telling Voldemort the prophecy _— "…cannot serve me properly…" — _Lily's grave _— "…not its true master…" — _pleading with Dumbledore _— "…you killed Albus Dumbledore…" — _learning Harry was a Horcrux, planned for death, too _— "…cannot truly be mine…" — _killing Dumbledore_—"…while you live…" — _Harry's eyes, the constant reminder of Lily _—

"_Kill_."

Snape screamed, the blood quickly draining form his face. The snake's fangs pierced his neck, and Snape was too weak to push off the enchanted cage as he fell to the floor.

Voldemort's high-pitched voice was hardly audible over Snape's scream, and he left the room without looking back. Nagini's cage floated after him.

Snape stayed, writhing, on the floor, trying to stem the blood flowing from his neck. A picture of Lily swam into his mind, her emerald green eyes sparkling…

Snape's eyes widened as the same green eyes appeared before him. Harry tossed the Invisibility Clack to the floor and bent over Snape, who seized the front of Harry's robes and pulled him closer.

Snape concentrated on a particular string of memories, ones that would let Harry understand. He _needed_ to understand…

"Take…it… Take…it…" he rasped as the memories poured out of his head. Snape was vaguely aware of Harry looking around, finally grabbing a flask that Hermione had conjured. He watched as Harry clumsily scooped the memories into the flash with his wand, his hands shaking.

Snape felt his grip on Harry's robes slacken; he was barely hanging onto consciousness. With the last of his strength, Snape looked into the face of the one whom he had pretended to despise all these years, the one who had really despised _him_…

"Look…at…me…" Snape willed.

Green eyes found the black. _For you, Lily, _Snape thought, his hand falling to the floor with a soft thud.

_For you_.

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**A/N: **My third fanfic this week! Wow. Unfortuantely, I'm not working anymore since school starts up soon (I shudder to think of that) so I might not have time to write again for a little while. :( Although, I do have another fic started, but I don't know when I'm going to have time to finish that. So, for now, this is the last of the insane updates! Hope you liked it. :) Review?


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